March 10, 2012

Keep the Home Fires Burning,
While your hearts are yearning.
Though your lads are far away
They dream of home.
There's a silver lining
Through the dark clouds shining,
Turn the dark cloud inside out
'Til the boys come home


One of the things that both Jessica and I wanted to do was to have my perspective added to his wonderful blog upon my return. Our friends and relatives have been lucky to be able to share the (almost) daily words and photos that Jessica has created. Being in a remote location like Alaska has kept many family members and friends from having the pleasure of meeting Olivia (something we hope to remedy), and the last year has found me in an even more remote locale, so this blog has been one of my few links to home.

I’m not quite home yet, although each day I am getting closer. I am writing this, my first contribution from KAF (Khandahar Airfield) in the Afghan capital as myself and my Soldiers are completing the necessary tasks to come home. We have many things to wash, sort, inventory and pack in order to proceed onto our next stop. From here we will leave Afghanistan and head north into the former Soviet Republic of Krygstan, and then onward to the most awaited flight of my life. Back to Alaska.

While I am by no means new at this procedure and the tribulations of returning from war, this time will be vastly different. The previous years have seen me return from peacekeeping in Kosovo, a five year stint in Germany, and from three separate year long tours of duty in Iraq. Each time the homecoming was an awkward, stressful event. This time, in a handful of days I will return home as I have done countless times before, however this is the first time that I am coming home as both a father and a husband. I have many fears and apprehensions, many worries and concerns about coming home to Jessica and Olivia.

I am worried about how I will react the first time I hold Olivia again if she doesn’t immediately warm up to me. Will I take it personally as a way of her saying ‘How could you run off and leave me so soon?’, or will I be able to understand that a baby crying is the most normal thing in the world, and more likely her way of expressing hunger? Will I feel that I have been a poor parent in the amount of time that I have missed? Or will I strive to make every day count?. Undoubtedly being somewhere different for a period of time changes a person, being in a stressful environment changes a person, being in combat changes a person.

I am fortunate beyond words to have Jessica as my partner. She is (as most of you can attest to) an amazingly caring and understanding woman. She has been the rock that has kept me centered for the past year. To say that she has ‘kept the home fires burning’ is a vast understatement. She has not only chopped the wood for the fire, but she has also built and tended the hearth. I am constantly in awe of many of the military wives that I have grown to know. A ‘military wife’ (I would use the term Army Wife, but I wouldn’t want to create a link to the television portrayal that is more soap opera than fact) is a very proud and self sufficient person, she survives months on end of being separated from her partner, usually being geographically separated from her family as well, and all the while in the back of her mind is the fear of ‘what if…’. Jessica has taken each day in stride and her conduct and success has made me very proud of her indeed.

I am eagerly looking forward to spending the rest of my life with Jessica and Olivia, watching my daughter grown and learn and experience all that is around her. This blog has done a good job of keeping me informed, and letting me ‘participate’ in the each and every day. Jessica has sent me
many videos, from Olivia rolling over for the first time, to much more simple and mundane (yet amazing and beautiful) events. However, I aim to get back into the swing of things, and take up the mantle of ‘father’ as soon as I return.

Although I have fears and worries, I have no doubts, I know that the time spent away will only remind me of the importance of the time that we will have together upon our reunion.

My writing technique will be different from that of my learned wife, and it has recently come to my attention that I am not as funny as I have often thought myself to be, however I will try and share my experiences here (both the good and bad) for our friends and family to see.

The next time I write in this blog, I will do some from the comfort of my own home, one handedly as the other will be holding Olivia tightly.